News & Views

Bad Behaviour

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I was minding my own business in Hyde Park, hoping I’ll never have a bench named after me, when a dog called Jekyll tried to rape me. His panting owner, whose red face made me reach for my SDSM, blamed me for his pooch’s bad behaviour. “Don’t encourage him,” Big Red shouted, like it’s my fault his pet is a rapist. There’s not much a blast of SDSM can’t cure but this victim blamer was inflamed with outrage so I didn’t waste my NIOD on him.

What kind of a weirdo calls his dog Jekyll? Names are important and that’s just not the right name for a sex offender. In China, people change their name when they want to change their luck. I was supposed to be called Vivien after the bi-polar beauty Vivien Leigh but my dad got drunk on his way to register my birth. He forgot the time. And the date. And the name. All he could remember after a night on the single malt was that I had been born in Grandfather Money’s bed; though Grandfather wasn’t in it at the time. The registrar preferred screwball comedienne Carole Lombard to mad, bad Vivien Leigh so my evil twin got to be Vivvy. Read More…

NIOD – The Definitive

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Even though The Ordinary had its surprise debut last year and caused a major commotion in the industry, NIOD is the original game changer in my books.  I remember the May 2015 newsletter so well because it was the first time I stopped reading to immediately order a product (CAIS) and considering how quickly it sold out, I’m so glad I did. From that very first purchase to now, NIOD has been, and still is, one of my most loved and most used brands. I don’t think I have gone a day without using something from them since it launched and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

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The Ordinary – How To Create A Skincare Routine

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After writing my article The Ordinary – The Definitive Review, I knew there were going to be lots of questions asking for recommendations due to the sheer number of products. With so many options available I realized many of you would (and did) find it confusing and overwhelming when it came to picking the ingredients that would suit your needs. This is why I also wrote The Ordinary – A Regimen For Every Skin Type as I wanted that article to serve as a general guide to help you find the best products for each skin type and while that helped, a new question started being asked, which lead to me writing this one.

As it turns out, aside from wanting to know what to buy, you also wanted to know when to use certain products and/or what order everything goes in. I know that many of you are new to this crazy skincare world (welcome!) and have no idea what a “complete” routine looks like and are eager to create one that incorporates The Ordinary and this step by step guide will show you exactly how to do it. We would love to be able to give all of you a personalized skincare regimen, but it’s just not possible, so instead you now have “The Ordinary Trilogy”. A trifecta of articles to help you learn about each product, choose the right ones for your skin and understand when to use them. Read More…

Desert Island Lips

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When Guru Gill invited me to select some of my favourite things, I had to resist loading the entire site into my basket. I’m struggling to find anything VH that I don’t adore.

Except maybe Enterosgel, the drink that stops diarrhoea, because it reminds me of a pig farmer sitting next to me on a flight to Columbo who said, “Don’t worry…I have lots of lovely pigs at home. You are not my type.”

But I don’t want to be banished from the inner sanctum. The Guru has already told me off. At least she hasn’t taken the Wet Brush to me. When I beat the manservant, I use the pink watercolour detangler with the scary spikes. Disciplining him totally tones my arms. Read More…

The Problem With Instagram

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This article has been a long time coming because Instagram has changed a lot over the past several months and not just by design, but in how we use it. This year I have noticed a pretty big shift in how we behave, post and interact etc, and I know I am not the only one who’s picked up on this. In particular, the skincare community is not quite what it used to be. What started out as a fun way to share a burgeoning passion for skincare and connect with others has morphed into some sort of social media high school with cliques, gossiping and even bullying. I have been surprised, shocked and saddened by a lot of what I have seen recently and it has been so disappointing. There have been times when I have felt anxious over something that has happened on Instagram, wanted to cry over what has been said to me and even considered deleting my account more than once. Read More…

Bum Bum Bum…

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I’m on my roof in Soho, lurking behind a big tree, minding my own business until it’s time for Peeling Solution to come off when Crazy K calls begging for help. Again. She’s accidentally attached a bum selfie to her contacts’ list. Now everyone who gets a message from her is treated to a view of her recently waxed rear, she apologises just as ‘My Bum’ appears on my screen.

There are no compromises in backsides these days. They are either fatties or flatties. But in this pic Crazy K’s bum looks like two demented satsumas with scary sunburn. Funny I’ve never noticed the creepy rubbery texture before; ‘You’re looking at the wrong bum,’ she explains. ‘That’s the one I bought in Selfridges.’ She’d bought a blow-up bum when her boyfriend told her he likes a fatty but it turned out to be more of a farty and kept falling off so she gifted it to her mum. Read More…